State of the Onion!
You know that speech I’ll have to give every year? The State of the Union? Well, mine will be called the State of the Onion. And I won’t interrupt your favorite TV shows for it. And it will be short and sweet.
You know that guy, the House Sergeant, who’ll announce me by saying, “Mr. Speaker, the President of the United States”? –His speech will be longer than mine!
And I won’t waste your time making you watch Senators and Congressmen who hate me clap for 10 minutes before and after my speech!